Burnt Offerings

So I thought it would be almost impossible to mess up a recipe, but alas, was I wrong. Turns out, when you don't know your oven well enough, it doesn't go over too well. I was baking my plain chocolate chip cookies about two weeks ago, even setting a timer -- something I never do -- just to realize I am not invincible in the kitchen. I always knew in the back of my mind that one day I would make a big mess in the kitchen; I just never knew when that time would come. Well, now that I've made my first mistake, the next couple will go by easier.

The whole adventure started innocently enough... I wanted to make almond orange coconut chocolate chip cookies. But instead of having my conventional kitchen events go as planned, I realized along the way how completely unprepared I was. Being in a new apartment, I did not have oven mitts or cooking spray. I didn't have a cutting board, and I definitely did not have a Iana-friendly oven. Within 8 minutes, smoke started coming out through the stove tops and about two minutes later, the fire alarm started blaring. I had never understood how people said things like "I make the fire alarm go off when I cook... don't trust me in the kitchen." But I had now become one of those people. I had never made a fire alarm go off. I had no idea how to make it stop... I had heard urban tales of home remedies for stopping the fire alarms -- stories ranging from covering the fire alarm with a wet towel to waving a pillow in front of it. Well all these people with their solutions must have obviously had a much more furnished apartment than mine, because not having a couch or chairs will definitely be a disadvantage when trying to stop the loud, embarrassing noise. I just opened all my windows and doors and hoped my neighbors would take my noise-making as a premonition of the volumes at which I would play the Tyra Banks shows from that night on every day when I got home.

I did not get a picture of these burnt cookies, although I meant to. Only one friend saw them and actually dared to have one. He didn't rave about them, but he didn't complain either. They were rather edible... I just have really high standards for cookies. But I still think it was the oven's fault, and not mine. Because let's be honest... have I ever made such a major mistake in the kitchen before that I turned up a half a batch of burnt cookies? No. Has this oven of mine turned up a half a batch of burnt cookies? You bet your bottom dollar it has! This Iana-Oven saga will continue... And you can be sure I'll show it who's boss!